Starting Divorce without a battle
It’s true that for some couples, going into a separation can feel like you’re preparing for battle. But, for many most people, the idea of separating from a partner doesn’t start with a fight. It starts slowly, sometimes painfully. It might creep in quietly over time, or it might hit like a thunderclap – sudden and unavoidable.
It is easy to go straight into an adversarial role; to ‘look out for yourself’ to ‘win’ – and a great deal of energy and anxiety can go into trying to define what coming out on top would look like.
What are you trying to win?
The traditional view of measuring ‘a win’ tends to be who comes out better financially; this can become the prime motivator and it is certainly true that you need to leave a relationship with the best you can achieve for your needs.
However, there is a deeper need than just money; the need for you to define what is the most important to you when you leave your relationship. And this is something that it is really helpful for you to consider and decide upon very early on when you part company with your partner.
The best view you can take is to decide upon and be clear about what motivates you for your future. The smallest things, such as deciding the basics of where and how you want to live, what would you like to do for yourself in the first few weeks or months, maybe a list small short term and longer terms goals that you have never achieved for yourself will give you something to hold onto – and provide you with invaluable guidance when it comes to the inevitable questions that are asked when the process of separating starts for real.
Of course, things will change – it would be wrong to set yourself out an exact blueprint for the future. That would almost certainly be unachievable. If you go into the process with your clear voice advocating for yourself, you will have an idea which will spring to life as your situation unfolds. You can be flexible but still stay focused on some things that are important to you – the non-negotiables of your future life.
Money as a measure of ‘winning’.
Everyone has a reluctance and fear of change on the scale that separation and divorce bring about; sometimes having the tiniest of ideas can keep you grounded in the knowledge that there will be a way through (there always is!) and you will come out the other end.
For initial advice in confidence to explore what the future may look like for you, and the ways in which you can achieve your goals, whatever they may be, we offer an initial fixed fee one hour interview for you plan what may be available for you.
Contact Downs Solicitors to see how we can help.
Contact Carol Christofi
