Things I wish I knew before I… got a divorce
In my line of work, I tend to see the statistic of one in three marriages ending in divorce in real life. Whilst many will say signing a pre-nup is one of many things they wish they knew before they get married quite often, separated parties will ask me things they need to know before they get divorced.
1) Do you want to get divorced
Sounds like a menial question. You might think “yes” otherwise why would you be sat in my office. However, emotions can run extremely high during a divorce, and indeed a marriage in general. It is never advisable to make a big decision when feeling emotional and it is difficult to go back and undo a divorce if you change your mind. So before you “click on the send button” , you could try marriage counselling, or, indeed, try a mediator. You might just find talking through your problems is more beneficial and much less permanent, and expensive, than a divorce.
2) Don’t believe everything you hear
The most important rule in the divorce process is not believing everything other people tell you about their divorce. Each case is different – and just because your friend’s divorce didn’t end well or they were given bad advice, this is not always true. Friends may even tell you, with the best of intentions, that their situation is pretty typical, but your experience is more than likely to differ from theirs. You should only rely on advice given to you by the professionals.
3) See the bigger picture
By the time separating couples reach my office, they are usually bickering, emotional, constantly at war with each other – and it is important to focus on your goals and outcomes form the divorce. Seeing the bigger picture, for example, thinking about your living arrangements, custody of children and the separation of any financial assets such as savings, houses or other valuable property, will help you to focus on the future. A willingness to work with your spouse can also mean for a smoother divorce process and can help achieve the best outcome for you a