How to survive separation
In recent years, we’ve all become more aware of the many different forms abuse can take in relationships.
Physical violence is perhaps the most obvious, but it is not the only form of abuse. Controlling or coercive behaviour, for example, can creep into a relationship over time. What begins as something small or easily explained can develop into a pattern of behaviour that is every bit as damaging – and sometimes even harder to deal with than the violence itself.
Many people are surprised to learn that coercive control has been recognised as a criminal offence in England and Wales for almost 10 years. It is not a “new” issue, even though awareness of it has grown in recent times. Abuse can affect anyone, regardless of gender, background, or circumstances.
Asking the difficult questions
Victims often find themselves wondering: “Is it me? Am I overreacting? Is this really abuse?” The truth is, if a behaviour makes you feel unhappy, controlled, or afraid, then it is not ok. Your instincts are important, but fear often overrides them — fear of not being believed, fear of making things worse, fear of the future.
Taking the first step to seek help is incredibly brave.
There is a great deal of help out there. The Police are better trained and more reactive than they have ever been and the Courts have been specifically trained to deal with and understand all forms of abuse.
We are very fortunate in Surrey and Sussex to have access to agencies such as Your Sanctuary, ESDAS (East Surrey Domestic Abuse Service) and Women’s Aid locally – and although all of these are underfunded and resourced, no-one will dismiss a call for help.
Don’t stay afraid
It is easy to say ‘just reach out’ – that depends on very many factors in people’s unique lives and only you will know when and how you need help. The message however must be ‘Don’t stay afraid’ – things won’t get better by themselves. Ask yourself not ‘who will believe me?’ but ‘why should I not be believed?’.
If something is not working for you, only you can be the person to seek help to make your situation change. And no, you are not talking nonsense!
If you are impacted by any concerns of someone’s behaviour and you want to seek confidential advice for your future, contact Downs Solicitors to see how we can help.
Contact Carol Christofi
